Girl of my Dreams

There is this girl that I have been flirting with for months. She is everything I’ve ever wanted in a woman. She has a killer body that I have dreamt of kissing from head to toe. She is smart. She is funny and she even likes football. What a girl huh? I have had reservations about asking her out for many reasons, but mainly I think that I may be a bit too old for her. But recently I have been getting vibes that she’s into me, so last week I asked if she’d like to go out. She accepted and we made plans for the weekend. Nothing big, a movie, a meal then we were to go to the park and listen to some live music. I’m in.
So I arrive to pick her up and she is as gorgeous as ever. I told her to dress casual and she did. Wearing shorts, and one of those shirts that allow you to peek at her belly when she moves just right. She got in and we were off. She smelled really good. Like women are supposed to smell. You know what I am saying.
Things started off great. We ate, then went for a movie. There was some handholding, brushing up against one another that sort of stuff. Life is good. We arrive at the park and lay or blanket out. The music was already playing so we kicked back to enjoy the evening.

That is when it happened.

Now, try and picture the moment, I am lying there gazing upon this beautiful lady who I have been lusting after for months, her hair rustling in the wind, her smell teasing my senses, just perfect! She slipped off her sandals to come lie next to me, and I saw her toes! OMG! Besides being the ugliest little crooked things I have ever seen in my life, they all were hairy. Yes hairy folks. Now most guys have hair on their toes. I am not talking that sort of hairy. I am talking primate at the zoo freaking hairy! I am in shock and really traumatized about this as she lies down next to me. She gets close and decides to play with my foot, with hers. I am ready to hurl. All sorts of images are now going through my mind. Is her back hairy? What about? Oh, I can not go there. I am now 100% turned off by her and her freaky little hairy toes. I feel like I am in a Seinfeld episode. OK, now what. She has that look in her eye like she wants me to maybe kiss her. I now wonder about her breath. If her toes are that hairy, her breath must stink. I look at her and give her my best sincere smile. Trying not to be obvious of my offense to her toes, I notice her shirt raised exposing her belly. Instead of the former thoughts of bliss and kissing her there, I am now trying nonchalantly to inspect it for hair or some other deformity. She sits up bringing the hairy little bastards in direct view, almost in my face. I jump. She asks me what is wrong. I tell her that my head hurts. Good one huh? I could have been more creative than that. I mean really. She asks if I need an aspirin. Again, the toes are in sight. “No”, I reply. “I think I need to get away from this music and go lie down”, I tell her. “OK, I’ll go with you” she says. Yeah right I thought. “You and those freaky little monkey toes are not getting anywhere near my place”. She smiles and says, “I’ll make you feel better”. Again, OMG. What does she mean by that? Look an hour ago I would have been down for “Making me feel better”, but now all I can think about are those hairy little stubs coming out of her feet. How am I going to get out of this one? What would you do? What would you say? And what’s up with the hairy toes? Can you shave toes? Oh, I have the visual. Not good!

To Be Continued – See what I did