Fowl Play

I have had it. I give up. I am not sure if it has to do with the coming of spring, global warming or if maybe I pissed someone off in a previous life, but for the past few weeks I have, or my vehicle rather has been bombarded by bird poop. I can park in a lot with fifty other vehicles and come out to hundreds of little birdie butt dumplings all over the hood and sides of my truck, yet no other vehicle is touched. I can not take it any longer. It is time to fight back. I thought about buying one of those plastic owls to mount on the hood of my truck, or maybe one of those bird noise maker things.
I am not paranoid. I am not imaging things. Yesterday I went and got all of the birdie butt paste washed off. I pulled into my parking lot and went inside. I watched and waited by the window. Not a bird in the sky. This morning I go out and it looked like my truck had freckles! I am not talking the random occasional spot either. I am talking about the massive, runny, just had some fries in the parking lot of McDonald type of crap.
I am not sure what I have done to these little fuckers, but there is defiantly a conspiracy out there. Some bird leader has a personal vendetta against my vehicle and me. I will not stand for this! Today after lunch they went too far. I am outside minding my own business, talking to a few co-workers and out of no where I hear and feel a SPLAT upon my head. Yes, some spineless coward of a bird had the nerve to shit on me. They have crossed the line. “Bird Season” is officially open