Intervention

I have a confession to make. I can not kid myself or you any longer. I am tired of living a double life, a lie. It is time to come clean with you all here and now. I am an addict. A week person who has succumbed to temptation, blinded to what is right and what is wrong. Yes, I am an addict.

I do not know what it is or why, but I feel the need to order every single stupid invention or gadget that they show on those “As Seen On TV” commercials. Is it the stellar narration? Is it the presentation? I have no clue. What I do know however I am the proud owner of every little stupid invention known to man. Every time one of those commercials comes on, I dive for the remote in hopes to change the channel. It is always too late. Once I here that familiar cheesy announcer voice, I am hooked like a crack head waking up for the morning score. Normally I am one with an incredible sense of willpower, but when it comes to these items, I am helpless. I have even found myself roaming the isle of the “As Seen On TV” products in the local Rite Aid.

I own the “Microwave Caddy”, the “Deli Pro Knife” and even the “Magic Dryer Balls”. I had ordered the “One Touch Can Opener” the “Magic Duster” and even bought some “Oxi Clean”. I have fought the urge, but broke down and called to get the “Roller Slide Abdominal Roller Exerciser”, the “Squirrel Scatter” and even the “Drain Buster”. The worst part is, I know before the item even arrives it will consist of some cheap plastic, molded together in some third world country and I will also know that it will not work. Yet I continue to order, I continue to buy. I need help.

Just recently, one of the evil spots ran and I was doing great, fighting the urge. I was really proud of myself until the “But Wait”. It was all over but the crying. Now I have a “Pasta Express” and I must tell you I have never ingested that much starch at one time in my life. Please, someone help me. There has to be others like me. There must be some Twelve step program or something. At this point I am thinking about refraining from television all together.

Please, if you are the person on the phone when I place the call to order, turn me away. Do not allow me to charge the 19.99 plus shipping and handling to my credit card so that in six to eight weeks I will come down from the high once again. Not even the 30 day money back guarantee will save me.

Yes, I am an addict.

I am hitting the road once again. My girl Jessica will be watching the place for the next week. Anyone who would like to post please email me!