Penny Pinata

Yes I know, I did not post yesterday. I try and make it a habit of posting on a daily basis, even if it is just a quick hello. Yesterday I decided that I would take all of my change into the grocery store, to that machine thing that you dump in all of your change, it counts it, and “for a fee” spits out a ticket that you take to the register for your cash. Normally I would take exception to the fee because I am a cheap bastard, but the banks these days really give you a hard time if you bring in the rolled change, and besides, who has that kind of time to sit there and roll over a years worth of filthy change? Not I. About 2 years ago, I got one of those cheesy mock “Pepsi” bottle plastic change things, filled with pop corn or some crap. Since then, every day I deposit my change from the day into it. Well it is full now. It is not so much that I need or care how much is in the thing, but the fact that I have no place to deposit my change is problematic for me as I am a creature of habit.

I grab the thing and was shocked as to how fucking heavy it was. I load it into the car, and off to the store I go (I said LOAD). I carry this huge oversized plastic fake “Pepsi” bottle into the store. The machine is on the other side of the check out registers, so I make my way past all of the shoppers in line, with my change. I read the instructions on the change machine. Doesn’t sound so difficult. They have the nerve to charge 2% for this. Screw it I am here. I turn the machine on and wait for the little light to come on to let me know that it is OK to dump the money into the counter funnel (I said DUMP). The light came on indicating it was ready for my change. I bent to lift this heavy ass change container, or “Pepsi” bottle. I begin to upturn it to pour in the change.

DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME.

As the change shifted due to me turning or attempting to turn the bottle upside down, the weight caught me off guard and I lost grasp of the giant “Pepsi” bottle. It fell and hit the floor with a loud crack and thump. Now folks, when considering giving these things as a gift, please keep in mind that someone may actually use it for its intended purpose. Also keep in mind that these things are probably made in some third world country with the cheapest material available and after 2 years, this cheap material could become brittle and,
I stood there and watched the “Pepsi” bottle hit the floor and explode. I watched my change, the change I religiously deposited daily, disperse, and scatter in a million different directions. Every single shopper, every single clerk, and every single bag boy and girl, were all now looking at me and my change. Like kids reacting to a piñata filled with candy, everyone began to literally try and catch the fast moving change.
I’ll never know how much change there actually was. A bag girl swept as much of it up into a pile for me as she could. With the machine beeping at me to insert the change, I scooped up the change in my hands and in several trips got it all into the machine. I received a whopping $98.31 for my efforts, far less than what was probably in the “Pepsi” bottle, but the experience was worth much more.