Dirty Old Man

driving down the road and I see the sign. “Support the High School – Car Wash” or something like that. I found this sign a bit annoying due to the fact that I pay outta my ass in school taxes, yet have no kids to benefit from it. However, since the coming of spring and my unresolved dispute with the bird community my vehicle is always in need of a wash these days, so I figured that I would swing in and check it out and maybe get the scoop on these kids that I am supporting. I knew immediately as I pulled into the parking lot, over to the designated washing area that I must have read the sign wrong. I was pleasantly surprised. This was not just a support the local HS function, but a support the local HS cheerleader event. I know that I tend to take certain liberties in my posts, but I shit you not I was greeted by at least a dozen high school age female alumni in their bathing suits. I am not talking the one piece “cover that shit up” suit either. I am talking about the full on “I got a hot body” two piece bikini. I rolled the window down and the hyperactive perky girl greeted me and gave me some scripted, rehearsed BS about how they needed to raise money for the squad to BLAH. BLAH, BLAH. I must admit I felt a little perverted staring at this youngster’s breasts tucked away within the skimpy fabric, but only for a moment. I handed the girl a twenty and rolled up the window. My vehicle was then assaulted by the cheerleader brigade. Five or six wet little pom pom girls went to town. One literally got up on the hood of my truck, bent forward giving me the cleavage shot like the chick in the Whitesnake video. I literally was sitting there in awe as these little women took to shining my ride. I was really starting to feel perverted as chub started growing within my pants. “This isn’t right” I thought as I got a full on Camel Toe shot as the one girl held the hose between her legs as if, well, she was peeing. My pulse was racing and I was questioning my morality when I glanced over and saw them. Over to the left sitting like beached whales in their fold up soccer mom chairs, were the parents, or at least adults of these children here half naked and wet. I looked to my right and noticed the three other cars were occupied by male patrons, looking just as perverted as I probably did. “This was wrong”. “These girls are being exploited” I thought. But as the hot little blonde dried the last drop from my window, I rolled it down, handed her another twenty and asked that they wash it again. I am going to hell.
In other news, I am slowly but surely getting sucked into the whole “MySpace” craze. I am however going kicking and screaming. If anyone else is having the same urge, drop by and say hello.