Happy New year

On this eve of a new year, I am sitting here reflecting. What if anything should I have done, could I have done differently? Was there that one moment that could have altered the path and the end result of 2005? Was there a missed opportunity? Looking back was there some lesson learned, some key factor in becoming a better person, or changing the world we live in.
I guess I could have taken the whole Ronald McDonald thing a bit more seriously. I thought that I did a good job on the strip club review, yet never followed up after that. But it was a two man thing back then and I had the best of intentions. The Miss Detroit thing was funny, mean, cruel, but funny.
I think that I did a good job of dealing with issues. I mean why is it so wrong or rude to fart. Yes, I know I never finished the story about the chick with the freaky little toes, but there was so much going on. When Michael went AWOL everything changed. Just when I thought things were going up, the whole thing came crashing down. All of our plans were put on hold. I did reach out searching for answers. Yet, the more answers I got, the more annoyed I was becoming.
The name of the game was changing. It was time to wake up and tune in! No more delusions, this was real. Older and Wiser I took the bull by the horns. Thing were in full swing. I got a little burned along the way, ok more than a little, but for the most part, it was a good year
Please be safe tonight. Happy New Year!

Only God Knows Why

Teri and I were coming home from a party. We were both pretty drunk. We entered her place and she immediately went to make us a drink (I told you she had a problem). We sat and drank a bit and Teri suggested that we hot tub it before bed. I was tired, real tired, but the thought of a hot tub before bed was refreshing. She grabbed my hand and pulled me out the sliding glass door. “I need to get my trunks”, I said to her. She said not to worry, we wouldn’t need them. As we arrived at the bubbling hot tub, Teri striped naked. I had seen her naked before, but it was when we were young, pre boobs. As she stripped naked, I couldn’t help but gape in awe at the wonderfulness of her perfect body. This was a woman! I shook my head to regain myself. Teri stood before me naked, so beautiful.

She told me to take off my clothes. I said to her sheepishly that I really should get my trucks. She asked if I had ever seen a woman before. I told her yes, and then she asked what the problem was? I didn’t want to seem like a child, so I stripped.

There we were in the Jacuzzi, both naked, both really intoxicated and I for one was really horny. Horny enough to bang my cousin? Never, that is where I draw the line. But Teri would not let up. Teri started to massage my neck and shoulders. I asked what she was doing and she told me to stop being a baby and relax. It felt really good, her massaging me. I sort of slipped out of it for a minute. My mind and my penis where in a struggle. Everything that I had ever been taught or told said that this was terribly wrong, yet my penis was cussing me out telling to tag this fine ass piece of pussy! Fine she was!

Teri was very intoxicated and so was I. The hot tub was making things worse. I began to see double and all of a sudden, like in the movie “Animal House”, I had company. On my left shoulder was Beavis, dressed in a devilish outfit, his hair tall as always. On my right shoulder was “Butthead”, clothed as an angel! “Uh, Huh, dude, that is your cousin”, Butthead said to me! “Umm, you can’t screw her”. Beavis cut in with “Yeah, Yeah, bone her, give it to her, she wants it, she’s a slut, do her”! I shook my head, closed my eyes, and hoped that this would all be just an alcoholic blur. No such luck. Teri now had one hand on my shoulder massaging me and the other around my cock. Beavis was screaming “Yes, Yes, do her now”. I could hear Butthead saying “Our Father which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done in earth as it is in heaven”. Teri looked so fine, water droplets gleamed off of her perfect breasts, her stomach was rock hard like I like! Teri was fondling me, it felt great, but it also felt so wrong, as much as I wanted to propel myself into that beautiful, bald womanhood, I couldn’t, this was my blood. I knew if I chose the wrong path, I would surely burn in hell.

I grabbed Teri’s hand off of my rock hard cock, and grabbed the other and pushed her back. I gave her a kiss. Not the tongue in mouth kind, but the “you’re my blood” kind. I told her to snap out of it. Her eyes glared at me as if I had just rejected her. I told her that as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t. “This was wrong”, I said. She began crying and buried her head into my chest. I comforted her naked body until she finally came around. She told me that I was right and thanked me. I suggested that it was bed time and that we should talk about it in the morning. She agreed. Her naked body got out of the hot tub. I was second guessing my decision, as she toweled off. She turned to look at me and said, nice cock. She then disappeared into the house. I sat there in the tub wondering if I had made the right choice.

The next morning when I went to talk to Teri about it, she acted as it had never happened.

Free Falling

I have spent the last couple of days with my cousin Teri in the city of sin. I always stay with her while I am in town. Teri is a year younger than I am; single like me and she is a spokesperson for a national beer chain. A “Bud girl” of sorts. She has a kicking pad with a pool and she has a lot of connections in this great city. She has it made. I mean, she shows up for whatever promotion or event that the Beer Company happens to be sponsoring that day. She arrives in a bikini or some other hootchie wear, sells some beer, shakes some ass and signs a few posters and she gets like four grand. She does this a couple times a month. Teri is pretty hot. To quote a guy from the bar the other night, “She’s so fine I would eat the corn from her shit”. Yeah, she’s a cutie. She is self-conscious these days as she is getting past the age of the typical beer chick out there. She is pretty much the whole package, except she may have a drinking problem, but hey, no one is perfect.
My first day there, Teri asked if I wanted to join her and a “Potential” along with one of her girlfriends. Teri has been known for hooking Mike up with some of the finest beauties on earth. She is also known for her ability to get into any and all of the elite parties in town, so when she offered there was no way I could say no.
We met up with the “potential” that Teri hoped to be riding later that evening and her girlfriend. I was not digging the girlfriend from the get go. She was not the usual hottie I had expected to be hanging out with. She wasn’t ugly or anything, but she was like five foot, and was carrying a few extra pounds. She reminded me of Ms. Piggy from the Muppets. I shot a glance over to Teri and she gave me a look like “PLEASE”. I gave her my own look as if to say, “You owe me”. Teri and I are very close. We grew up 4 houses from one another and knew each other well. I would do this for her. She would make it worth my while later after this guy pounded her inside out.
The evening was going fine; we had dinner (Mexican) and started getting our drinks on. We were scheduled to go to a party later that evening in one of the big casinos. We had some time to kill and it was obvious that Mr. Potential was down with Teri. She herself was not being real shy. Watching her work this guy was pretty entertaining. I am not sure that I would have done any better. Somewhere into the several drinks, Ms Piggy decided that we should all go to the Stratosphere and ride X SCREAM (At 866 feet, X Scream is the world’s third highest thrill ride. Shaped like a giant teeter-totter, X Scream is an open vehicle that propels riders head-first, 27 feet over the edge of the Stratosphere Tower and dangles them weightlessly above the Strip before pulling it’s riders back and over again for more). The Stratosphere is a huge tower, casino. It resembles the Seattle Sky Needle and the Toronto CN Tower. I had been friendly, even cordial to Piggy thus far. But Mike is not a huge fan of heights and Piggy wouldn’t stop with the “It would be fun” shit. I gave Piggy the death stare as to tell her “shut up bitch, or I’ll make pork rinds outta your ass”. I don’t know if it were the alcohol, the environment or the fact that she thought I might dig her, but Piggy was giddy and wouldn’t let up on the whole X SCREAM thing. We finished our drinks and it was unanimous (my vote wasn’t heard).
Off to the Stratosphere we went. We rode the lift all the way to the top, and exited onto a platform in the sky. Before us was the ride. We headed to our seats. Teri and “Mr. Hard On” got into the far two seats while I got stuck with Piggy riding the inside chairs. Did I mention that Mike was not into heights? The attendant came to assure that the bar was completely locked over us. I couldn’t help notice that Piggy’s bar was really snug around and over her plump, squatty body. Piggy didn’t look so good. I was hesitant about this whole “experience”, but Piggy looked petrified. She began to say something, but it was too late. It was all over but the crying. I heard a metallic CLUNK and we were shot head first over the side. I felt my testicles in my throat as we plummeted. It looked like we were falling to our deaths. The few seconds seemed like a lifetime. Piggy was squealing with fear. I couldn’t help notice her chins flapping from the G Force. With all of the panic going on inside of me, I found Piggy’s face contortions quite amusing. The ride came to a sudden halt and I thought that we would be thrown from our seats. There we were hanging face down looking over Sin City. If I understood correctly we would be reeled in and the ride would repeat once more. Not this time boys and girls. Something was very wrong. We were still out there in mid air and I could hear motors winding. We were stuck. I was about to yell, “Who’s idea was this” when Piggy lost her groceries. As Piggy hurled I recalled watching her shoving the tacos into her face. I remember the massive Carne Asada Burrito covered in Pico slop. All of that was now hurdling downward to the unsuspecting tourist or hooker below. I was doing my best to avoid the propelling puke as I watched the soupy mix spew from Piggy’s mouth and nose. About the time I stopped dry heaving, ready to try and calm and console Piggy, I heard a loud undeniable sound. The smell was instant, and although I couldn’t visually confirm, Piggy had crapped her pants. My fear of heights was forgotten as I tried my best to hold down my own meal. Eyes watering, dry heaving, the ride began to return to the platform. We exited the chairs to the apologetic attendant and it was over. “Piggy had left the building” or was out of the picture for the rest of the evening. Piggy was mortified as she rushed away in her soggy pants. Traces of pinto bean juice dried stiff to her face.
The party was off the hook. I ended my evening in Teri’s hot tub, drinking a martini. Sure, I was alone and Teri was probably inside getting her tonsils tickled by “The Potential”, but I had overcome my fear of heights, got out of hanging with Piggy, went to a hopping party, and get the opportunity to share this with you.
It’s good to be back! I hope that you all had a wonderful Xmas

Guess who's Back!!!

Hello!!Just got in. Took the red eye, but I am back! I will have a new post up this afternoon! I miss you all and can’ wait to hear all of your holiday stories!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight

I had gone to bed unusually early last night. I had a few drinks and felt real sleepy, tired and just not right. I figured that it was from the lack of sleep, and maybe a little too much partying of late, or that I was just getting old. I lay down in my bed and was out like a light.
Seconds had passed, or so it seemed and the room lit up. There was a breeze all around and things were flying everywhere. “What the hell”, I thought. Appearing before me was Anika She was surrounded by multi-colored light. I shook my head and thought, “This must be a dream”. “No dream baldly, get your ass in gear, we’re outta here”, she says. I go to grab for my robe and ask where it was we were going. She told me to forget the robe, I wouldn’t be needing it and to stop asking questions. My fairy god girl was just as beautiful as I had imagined (minus all of the lights and crap). We headed outside where a taxi awaited. Anika waved her wand and the taxi turned into a giant pumpkin. She cursed and once again waved the wand and the taxi, or, um pumpkin turned into a giant sleigh. It was a customized sleigh with lots of bling. It had a pumping sound system and was being pulled by a huge red Mack truck with spinners on the wheels. I had to take a double take as I saw Willy Jo and Cletus in the cab of the truck. The loud air horn sounded and Willy Jo screamed out of the window “Hey you stupid Batch, haven you seen the price of fuel? Why don’t you and that thar quar get yar god damn ass in so we can leave”. I looked at Anika she shrugged and said, “Hey, it’s your dream” and whisked me into the huge sleigh.
Inside the sleigh, I saw two girls and a guy hanging out. I asked them where we were going and they said that we were heading to a party at the Monkey HouseI began to wonder what was in the drinks that I had before I went to bed. We arrived at the party. We walked into this huge ballroom. I immediately noticed Madman playing a guitar through a pig nose amp, sitting in a circle with a bunch of familiar people, smoking on a bong made from an artificial leg. Carrie was there, Boudica was there, and oh look, our old friend Van was there too. It was like I was looking through the magic mirror on a Romper Room episode. Van kept disappearing, but then he would be back again. They were all singing along with Madman, “Bye, bye Ms. American Pie, Drove my Chevy to the levy but the levy was dry”. There was a huge bar off to the left. I headed there and Patsywas bartending. I ordered my usual, Crown and Diet Coke, and saw that Jen and Blondie were Coyote Ugly dancing on the bar. A guy with a donkey who reminded me of Juan Valdez from the coffee commercials came and sat down next to me. Instead of a sombrero, this guy was wearing motorcycle helmet. He told me his name was Josh Williams and asked if I wanted to buy Indiana. I told him that the whole time zone issue was confusing to me, and since that I was standing there in my underwear I really had no cash on me. I thanked him and went to search for a way out of this dream.
I walked down this large hallway. It reminded me of the one in the Wizard of Oz. On a stool I saw my boy Pop, and he had several people fondling his balls. At the end of the hallway, I saw Alexk, Darkneuro, and Burfica with their arms crossed, standing in a line as if to block my passage. I couldn’t help notice that they were all dressed like, well, Dominatrix chicks. Ignoring their appearance, I felt relieved. “Thank god”, I said. “Get me the hell out of this place”, I demanded. Alexk slapped a pair of leather handcuffs on me and they all escorted me the rest of the way down the hall into what looked like an operating room. In the center of the room was a torture device and Roxi and slut bag was preparing it for, me? I pleaded for them to stop as they shackled me to the chair, table, torture thingie.
There I was, bound like a bitch in my underwear, electrodes clamped to my nipples, stuck in some strange, twisted, erotic sort of dream. The steel doors boomed open and in walked Steph. She was looking hotter than ever. Dressed in leather sporting stiletto heels with fishnet stocking and gloves. She held a whip in one hand and a paddle in the other. Surely this is just a misunderstanding I thought, as I prepared to plea my case to Steph . She didn’t let me get a word in. She informed me that I had broken Angel’s commandments and that I was in for a ball slapping. Steph wound the paddle back with force, intent on slapping my balls, when poof, she was gone, everyone and everything had changed. I was now in a court room. Standing there in my underwear and a tie. To my left was Reese. I guess that she was my lawyer. She never looked my way. I glanced over at the jury and it was all of my friends from the park. The chamber doors open and the bailiff jerk instructed everyone to rise. I looked behind me and there in the courtroom were all of the bloggers I had pimped out on my blog. I saw Doxie there with no panties on (very sexy in the you’re not legal yet way), Gigi, and Kat. They were all there. Kendra, Michael, and Still Searching. The judge appeared and once again it was Van. He sat and banged the gavel and began to tell me something, but then he disappeared and someone yelled “Action”. “What the”, I started to say when Anika was back grasping my wrist. I felt dizzy, and noticed that we were getting real small. Somehow we were shrinking, and now we were flying too. Anika lead us down the Rabbit’s hole, where we ended up, well I really don’t know where we were but it looked like Tacoma. We were in like a huge strip club except for the fact everyone was small, and naked. I worried that the shrinking thing had affected my boys, but I couldn’t be sure. The waiter came to us wearing only mistletoe on his, um mistletoe. After a double take I saw that Chuck was our waiter. I told him I didn’t want a drink, I wanted out. He suggested that there were two ways. I could “Kiss the Mistletoe” so to speak or talk to the Wicked Blonde dancing on the stage. I opted for the second path and made my way to the stage. She approached me, took a look at my now little penis and blew magic dust into my eyes. I began spinning, literally, around and around, faster and faster. I began to feel nauseous as everything came to a stop. I was in a purgatory sort of state. Behind me I could faintly hear all of my fellow friends and bloggers singing “We are the world”. In front of me a blinding light cast upon me. “Who are you I asked”. The booming voice made the hair my neck rise. It was Tom, from the top site. I couldn’t see him, but felt his presence. “WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNED MY SON”, was the question that was asked. I timidly explained that I had learned that we were all joined together. The great blogs, as well as the terrible ones. The awesome posts and the stupid posts. The political and religious. We were all bloggers and must stick together and pave the way for blogs and blogging of the future.
I woke up this morning wondering. Could it have been?
That is it for the year my friends. I may sneak one more in, but if not be safe and enjoy. Sorry for the long post. I love you all and tried to get everyone into the post. Have a great holiday

Brain Camp

I don’t know if it is that my brain fumes are escaping through my near bald dome or what, but I am really struggling at this post. The end is near, I mean for this year anyway and I couldn’t be happier. It is always like we get to start fresh every year. Not that we really do anything different from the year before. I am looking to upgrade the blog sometime early next year. Make it more interactive for all. I think that blogging in general will evolve next year. Into what is the question? Thursday may possibly be my last post for this year. If I can post from my travels, I will. Since it will be Thursday, expect the last HNT picture for 2005. Maybe I’ll get creative with a bow or something. Any suggestions?
In case I forget, I would like to thank all of you, the people linked to the left (if you’re not there I thank you too and will link ya if you let me know) for a great year and many laughs. You all have guided me and put up with me and that means a lot. I hope that you all will keep an eye on the place while I am away. I should be back on New Years Eve ready for the New Year.

Making the Cut

Certain things in life matter. Some are really big and life changing. Others, much smaller yet just as important. For some it may be as simple as a brand loyalty. Some people only buy certain items over similar or less expensive comparisons. My Father for example would only buy Mobil gas for our cars when I was growing up. Why? Who knows, but it was what he did and made him happy and if for no other reason it mattered to him. For me, it is a haircut. Go ahead, laugh away, but when you find that one person that cuts your hair exactly as you like, it is important. For the past Six and half years I have had my hair cut by Christina. About every two or three weeks I go in for the usual. It is not a fancy place, I don’t need an appointment and it is cheap. My hair grows like a weed and starts to look shabby if I go longer than 3 weeks. Since image is everything in my profession, a good hair cut can mean the world.
Three weeks had came and went long ago since my last cut. I had a very important meeting first thing this morning and making a good impression was crucial. Yesterday I rolled the dice and took a shot that Christina was working (it is nice not needing an appointment, but you need to know their schedule). I walk in, sign my name and time and tell the receptionist chick that I was there for a hair cut with Christina. “Christina isn’t working today”, she told me. What? I asked her to double check the schedule and verify. She again told me that Christina was off and in fact she was on vacation until the 27th of December. This was not good. I did my best to explain to this girl that NO ONE besides Christina had cut my hair in over 6 years. I urged her to call Christina at home or where ever and let her know it was me and that I was in dire need. “Sorry, it is against company policy”, the girl told me. I asked the girl if she could, or would make an exception this one time. I know Christina, if I tell her it is me she’ll arrange to cut my hair. I have been good to her. I have tipped her well. She would surely take an hour of her vacation time to cut my hair. I would make it well worth her while. All of this was racing through my mind. I knew however, talking to this girl or trying to convince her was a loss cause. The manager must have suspected trouble. She came out and asked what the problem was. The manager had seen me in there several times, surely she would understand my situation. I explained my situation to the manager. She too showed no sympathy for my cause. She did however offer to personally cut my hair. In so many words she tried to convince me that no one person is really different from the other. The cut is all about technique that everyone has been taught. Bullshit, I thought. But what choice did I have? I looked like I had been slamming Heroin while sleeping in an alley for the past month. I needed a haircut.

I get in the chair and prepare myself. “Everything will be fine”, I thought over and over. I gave her the skinny on my cut and what I expected. She revved up the clippers and went to begin on the sides. As she went to adjust the number on the clippers, a small boy in the lobby dropped something and it made a loud BANG. She jumped and the clippers dug into and across my scull. An even worse one had just surpassed my worse possible scenario. I hesitantly looked into the mirror and stared at the 4 inch by 4 inch bald spot. No amount of apologies would make this better for me. Sure, it is only hair and it will grow back. But right now I am basically bald (that was the only fix) it is three degrees outside, I have a career dependant meeting on Monday and I am going home for the holidays looking like I just entered basic training. To top it off, I have an oddly shaped and ugly scared head. Again, certain things in life matter.

My Girl

It is apparent that the Yahoo chat is not the vehicle of choice for us. For reasons unknown after a said amount of time, it literally kicks you out which, at least on my end results in a total computer freeze up and reboot. I first thought it was booting us out because of the content. But now I just think that it is a second rate chat tool. I will be on a mission to find a suitable chat tool that we can use. If anyone has any suggestions throw em my way.

I picked Mary up (AKA as big titties) and she was dressed to kill. I found it hard to keep my eyes on the road as we drove to our destination. I decided to take your advice and land at a place that was out of the norm and prevent a potential confrontation. It was a place I had been several times before, but not one I frequent much these days. The place was really packed, such that we had to stand in a line a bit just to get in. So far, Mary and I didn’t seem to have a whole lot in common, or to talk about. Her laughing and giggling at everything I said was starting to annoy me, and honestly, I had K on my mind. I felt that I was doing something wrong, betraying her. I questioned my feelings for her then shook the thought from my mind. Here next to me was a soon to be drunk hottie sporting a rack that had to be mine.
Once inside we had drinks, danced some, and started to click. Well enough that she no longer annoyed me and I still wanted her clothes to come off. I did notice that this Mary chick was a little bit too flirty. Not that I really cared, but this was the kind or girl you read about or hear about on the news. The sort that blacks out and ends up ganged banged by several guys. That was the imagine she portrayed. Several guys were hanging around like she was a bitch in heat. The only real thing she had going for her was those massive titties. Otherwise, she was pretty average. We had some more drinks; well she had many more as every horny guy in the place was buying her tits a drink.
The night was in full swing and Mary was now pretty drunk. I had pretty much written off the titties by then as I had enough of her, this place and the whole situation. I felt a bit obligated however to keep an eye out for her as I did bring her. If it weren’t for that I’d be gone by now. Mary approached me threw her arms around my neck a placed a wet kiss upon my lips. I faked my best kiss back. As she stood there hanging off of me, the band started playing “You Shook Me all night long”. Mary wanted to dance. I was danced out and starting to sober up. I wanted this date to end. A guy asked Mary if she wanted to dance. She looked at me as if asking for permission. I told her to go ahead. I turned and went to lean up against the bar, and I saw her. K was directly on the opposite side of the bar, staring at me, with tears in her eyes. Something inside me switched on. I looked back over to see where Mary was. She was all over this guy on the dance floor. I turned back to K and she was gone. I immediately went to find K. My K. What a fool I have been, this girl was more than my friend. This was my girl, always has been my girl and I have been too blind to see it. I desperately searched around for her. Where did she go? Over in the corner, in a booth was K sobbing. She had some friends around her, some of which I recognized. There was some guy trying to talk to her. I walked over to her, and excused myself from the young college looking dude. He got in my face (big mistake for him) and starting saying something. I have no clue what he was saying as he fell to the floor from my punch. I swooped K up into my arms. Our eyes met. I felt her grip me tight, and pull me close. This felt right. This was my girl. We kissed for what seemed like forever. Out of no where “I love you” was said. In the end, I had my incredible date and my incredible night. I have not left K’s side since.

The Boogie Man

It appears that we have a “Toilet Nazi” here at work. Allow me to explain. For a while now, whenever you walked into the men’s bathroom, at the urinal, there at face level, someone had decided to leave a little gift behind. Someone apparently has decided that while he stands there and pisses, it is appropriate to pick his nose and wipe the bugers on the wall for everyone to see. I am not talking one or two klingons; there are a multitude of these bugers there, on the wall over both urinals, in each men’s room in the building. I guess this guy has a nasal problem or something. Someone needs to turn him on to some Claritin or something to clear him up. It isn’t the most pleasant site, but hey, you’re in there to piss and by rule you try not to touch anything in there beside yourself. I guess someone has had it with the bugers. Today in each men’s room, above every urinal was a florescent green sign that read “To whom it may concern, this is not a pretty site. What you do at home is your business but here it is unacceptable, please refrain from putting your boogies on the wall, Management”. I don’t know which was worse, the fact that someone left their dry snot on the wall or the ridiculous attempt at a warning. It was hilarious. Someone actually took the time to select the appropriate paper and hand write all of these messages. Someone has way too much time on his or her hands. I explained the signs to some of the ladies in our department, and they had their own Bathroom Nazi story to share. A week back similar florescent signs appeared in all the lady’s room throughout the building. I guess some one was flushing an unauthorized item on a monthly basis. The girl’s sign reminded them that things of that nature were not appropriate to flush and also reminded them that plastic bags were provided to them for the deposit of the unauthorized item (for those dense folk out there or, guys, the sign was referring to chicks flushing their pads). Once again, their version of the sign was from “Management”. We all got a great laugh from it, but it then dawned on us, someone is patrolling our restrooms. The potty police if you will. Is it one person? Or is there this team of super heroes out for true, justice and the functionality and good will of our shitters? Is the fluorescent color their trademark? How does one get a job as a potty police officer in this building? Must you stand in front of a committee and take an oath that no urinal will go untouched? It went from hilarious, to bizarre, to scary in a matter of minutes.

In other news, there is Mucho Drama going on. The proverbial shit is about to hit the fan. I fear that it is immanent. I received a call from my dear friend “K”. We shot the shit and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH (I really am quite impressed with K. After our hot and sweaty sexcaspade I thought I might have a problem, her being much younger and all. But since that night, it has been things as usual). K asked me what my plans were this weekend. I explained to her that tonight I was going out with the chick from work. There was silence on the other end of the phone. “Hello”, I asked. She was there and although she claimed nothing was wrong, I knew better. This was K. We have been close friends for years. I know her like a book and visa versa. She was pissed. I should have never mentioned the chick from work. But I have never lied to K. I have always told her everything. Since our conversation I have had calls from several of our mutual friends. Bottom line, K is not happy. She knows that she has no right to feel the way she does, but never the less a pissed off chick is a pissed off chick. What do I think? I think She’ll have to deal with it, get over it. Since I am a betting man, I am willing to wager that tonight while I am out with big titties, I will run into K. Can anyone say chick fight? That would not be pretty. See you later.

Riddle with a twist

I just returned from shoveling snow over at Mom’s place. She called me today with her obnoxious way she has about her. Before I knew it she had guilted me into coming over after work and shoveling her walk. I lied and told her that I had a date and couldn’t stay long. That was enough excitement for her. I’ll bet as soon as I left she called every other old biddy she knew to spread the news that I will be dispensing my baby batter, in her quest for me to get someone knocked up so she can have some grandbabies to treat better than she ever treated me while I was growing up.

While I was shoveling this wet, heavy crap, I couldn’t help notice, um, OK, I am a pervert. I glanced up at her neighbor’s upstairs window (hey the light came on, cut me some slack) and saw this smoking hot chick, her back turned to me, changing. What would you do? OK, never mind, I stood there and just stared in awe at this lovely figure. I watched as she took off her blouse, then her jeans. Standing there in her bar and underwear I saw that she had the most lovely ass on her, tight, round, yes it was beautiful! She turned around and I almost shit. She looked to be about 15, and I quickly shook my head and continued shoveling. I was in the home stretch, almost done with Mom’s sidewalk, when a city snow plow came by and almost buried me in snow and recovered the sidewalk I had just shoveled. Prick!

Today I was eating lunch in the building. It was too messy and fucked to go out and we have a cafeteria. I was chilling alone getting my bacon cheese burger on when I hear “Can I sit with you”. Yes, it was the chick I had met in the smoking area. I just stood there mouth gaping. See, when I first met her the other day she was bundled up, she had a huge jacket on. Now am a seeing something I had missed. She has a rack on her to die for. I am not really a tit guy, I prefer the moderate to small breasted girls, but these babies were in my face as if saying hello. At LEAST D’s. “Sure”, I said and she sat. Once again, she began the endless conversation, giggles, and babble.

Once again, I had no clue what she was saying. I just sat there dipping my fries in the catsup and staring at her tits, catching every fourth or fifth word she said. She once again dropped the Boyfriend bomb on me, this time with a twist. She explained that this weekend was going to suck. Apparently, Mr. Huge titty lover was out of town on some hunting or fishing trip, doing the manly guy thing and she would be all by her lonesome. She said that she has wanted to go out dancing and drinking but that she had no one to go out with. OK, that was a direct hit. Ceasing the moment, I tell her that I could accompany her out if she’d like. “Well, I really don’t know you very well”, she said. “Bitch please, you know you want my balls slapping up against your ass”, I thought to myself. “Just a suggestion”, I say and played it off as if it really didn’t matter to me either way. In all actuality however, I was envisioning my face buried between those massive titties! “I didn’t say no, I just don’t want to come off as, well, you know” she replied. “A SLUT” I thought, but instead just smiled and told her that it was up to her. We finished our lunch and went back to work. Right before I left to go see Mom, she showed up at my cube and said that she would take me up on my offer and asked for my number. She made a point to stress that we were just hanging out and that no one could know.

So, is Mike in for some poundage, or is this chick just a tease? Either way it is going to fuck up tomorrow’s planned chat. Here is the deal. I am going to be in the friendly CHAT room at 6PM eastern. I will stay until 8:30PM. I had planned a longer bitch session, but a guy’s gotta do what a guy’s gotta do. I am in need of some bad! So bad in fact that my dick is telling me to “talk to the hand”. Let me hear ya.